Bronze medal rugby star Ilona Maher is helping women feel comfortable in their skin.
Rugby is known for the toughness of its athletes; it’s physically demanding and mentally challenging, but it also presents an additional obstacle for its female athletes. With its male-centric culture, female players, like the U.S. Women’s Rugby team’s Ilona Maher, often face additional stigma. Maher is strong. She is big. She is smart, and she can plow through defenders like it’s nothing. She is an Olympian, and yet people cannot help but direct their criticism to her body and her image. In response, Maher is making it her mission to use her platform to spread body positivity for all female body types, sporting the mantra “Beast, beauty, brains.”
“Women are put in a box. I felt like I was being put in a box and with that box comes all of the stereotypes people put on rugby players. I didn’t like that. I felt like there were so many more facets to me and my teammates,” says Maher. “I feel like I can go out in the field and be a beast, but I also love to feel beautiful. I am beautiful on the field and off the field.”
Maher has spoken openly about the criticism she receives across her social media pages. Her comment section is speckled with people telling her she is too masculine and accusing her of taking steroids, all because she works hard for her muscles and her broad shoulders. “It doesn’t matter who you are; people will find something to say. These comments are from very insecure people. The words that really matter are the ones that come from your family and your friends, the people who are supporting you and who see you for who you are,” she says. “And what is most important is how you feel about yourself. I’m very muscular. I’m big, but I feel feminine. So I am feminine. The two things can coincide.”
Being feminine is about how you feel on the inside. It doesn’t depend on how you look, how you dress, what your hobbies are, or how much you can lift in the gym. A struggle thrust upon many female athletes is the assumption that they are less female just because they are strong. This kind of judgment tends to be less spoken about in the realm of body positivity, and that’s why Maher’s words are so meaningful.
“People are used to women being petite, meek, and fragile. There is no single definition of what a woman is. I am someone who is changing that.”
“I remember distinctly when a guy called me masculine in the gym once. I was taken aback, because I was like, ‘What? I don’t feel masculine.’ It was so eye-opening for me,” she recalls. The idea of a woman has changed drastically over the last few decades, and female athletes have played a major role in making that happen. “People are used to women being petite, meek, and fragile. There is no single definition of what a woman is. I am someone who is changing that,” says Maher.
When on the rugby pitch, Maher stands out for many reasons, one being that she is usually rocking some bright red lipstick during the match. “I love lipstick. I think, in a way, it has always been how I express my femininity,” she says. “I haven’t always played with it on, but in these last few years I have gotten the confidence to do it.”
Maher started playing rugby in her senior year of high school after playing softball and other sports all her life. She continued with sport into college, playing for Quinnipiac University. “In college, it would have been like, ‘Oh, look at that girl wearing makeup, that’s weird, ’ but I don’t think it is something to make fun of. I just want to feel beautiful in all areas of my life. Even on the rugby field. I’m going to wear lipstick and be one of the strongest players on the field because I can feel beautiful in my own way and be a beast.”
As she speaks with Mission, Maher had recently returned from New Zealand, where she attended the Women’s Rugby World Cup, an event that brought her to tears as she witnessed a full stadium erupt in support for the women’s sport. She would love to see rugby become more mainstream. Maher believes rugby is a combination of everything athletes love from other sports. “There is the hand-eye coordination of softball, the spatial awareness of soccer, the physicality of basketball or hockey. It combines all that,” she says. “It’s a sport that a lot of people can get into.” Maher hopes to keep elevating the sport and showing other young girls they have a place out on the field. “Rugby is one of the few sports where women are truly encouraged to be physical. I want people to know it is not just for one size, not just for one person. With rugby, we need literally every body type. It’s a sport for everyone—whoever you are, you can play this sport. We have so many different kinds of people out on the field, and that’s what makes it so special,” she says.
As an athlete, sports have helped Maher truly appreciate the skin she lives in. She feels most beautiful when she is alone, staring at her bare reflection in the mirror. “Whether I’m naked dancing in the mirror, or just seeing all of me, it’s important to feel beautiful just as you are. I have come to a place where I feel beautiful when there are no eyes on me. It’s just me, making my own opinions about myself,” she says. While it is important to have a good relationship with yourself, like anything, support is important. “I feel beautiful on my own, but I also feel beautiful when I put on makeup, get all dressed up, and spend time with my friends,” says Maher. “Finding inner beauty is great, but sometimes we do need help from others.”
“I’m a professional athlete. My body is my job and it is capable of such incredible things.”
For Maher, the secret has been to shift the narrative from self-love to self-appreciation. “I have gotten to a place where rugby has shown me exactly what my body is capable of and I think it could do the same for any other girl out there.” Maher speaks about her body with more gratitude than anything else. While she believes in self-love, she thinks it’s unrealistic to feel in love with yourself at every moment. “I have always tried to change the narrative from loving myself to really appreciating myself,” she explains. “I’m a professional athlete. My body is my job and it is capable of such incredible things. There are times when I don’t love my belly, when I’m not really feeling these thighs, but I appreciate everything they can do. Loving ourselves all the time is unrealistic. We need to change the narrative to appreciating ourselves. Our bodies aren’t just meant to be looked at. They do so much more.”
This story first appeared in Mission’s IDENTITY issue. Home page image courtesy of Mike Lee/KLC Fotos for World Rugby.
